Comment problem - Blogger thought up a new (longer) naming scheme for post IDs, it's fucking up the comments, will attempt to fix, even though I don't see the point...

Blaster Wormie - Dealt with it yesterday, before I knew it was making the news, freaky, annoying.

Next post will be from MT.

12:20 PM | Jus | # | 11 comments

heh.

life is truly funny, a wondrous ride of small and inconspicuous hilarities and/or absurdities.

It's amazing how loosely we'll string things together just to allow our brain some sense of order. I guess without that you may really give up on reality.

one minute life has no meaning, the next we're worried about our 3 future kids and how we're going to support their college education. We bounce back and forth between the utter mishmash of daily existence to the tried and true formula we're supposed to follow in the coming years.

we get kinda worried if we can't map out our existence don't we?

will all the fucked up things we can't control or understand, we still want to be alive more than anything. That's the ultimate motivating drive, continued existence. 'cuz I mean, once you're dead, well, there's no more tortured souls and no more personal demons breathing fire in your head.

I am frequently astonished at how much I like disorder. It's what keeps my blood pumping, I need to fuck things up a little, keep myself on edge, not really know where the next blow is going to land. What fun is it otherwise right? Maybe more than a tortured existence... but pain sure does make you feel alive.

I have come to the conclusion people can't change. No, correction, I can't speak for everyone. I can't change. Different parts of my personality come out at different times, sometimes conflicting, and that's about as close as it comes. I tried, and I try, but you've got to keep a constant thought in your head, always present, superseding every action, policing yourself, and it's allot of work, and my brain wasn't built to do that kind of labour. At a moment's notice distraction kills the guard and old habits slip through the bars.

I really am thankful for the few people that don't say, "have a nice life," and write me off, it hurts when it happens, the sting lingers with me for a lifetime (for many things), but I'm always humbled by genuinely loving friends, those whose patience never runs the bloody hell out.

friends and lovers, two completely diverse groupings. You seem to be more accepting of friends than lovers, strange how you feel you have the right to change the latter. I still can't figure that one out, or figured a way to combat it, I'm as guilty of it as anyone has ever been.

I don't really know anybody, the grit and dirt, I keep asking them to lift up the carpet and show me what they've swept underneath. I don't think anybody takes me seriously. Why is everyone so afraid, relating isn't hard, we're all filthy, I guess wanting to relate means accepting the stains on your own shiny exterior, and that seems to be a problem.

superiority knows no end. There's always a bigger fish, they teach you that in kindergarten. What we do is stay in our own little bowl, made up of all the little fishies just about our size, a glimpse at anything else muddies the waters and we get all a flutter, don't we?

the strange social trappings, how we love to fall into them, then hate ourselves in the morning. Bad programming, bad.

I really like Tony Danza, if I ever made a movie, I'd put that motherfucker in it no questions asked, I'd hunt him down. I hope he's happy wherever he is.

I hate people that can't see the bigger picture. I must hate myself.

too much, too stupid, too obvious, too strange, too redundant, naw, just pick a sentence and run with it, people like you always do. Who, me? Yeah, you.

hurts. like trying to wrap you mind around the universe, hurts like a motherfucking bitch.

it does always sound better in your head.

3:13 AM | Jus | # | 5 comments

*tap* *tap*

2:36 PM | Jus | # | 1 comment