Pssst.

Aye...

AYE!

With Christmas coming up an all, and because I ain't got two nickels to rub together, and because I'm beginning to feel guilty only taking Stef's money, do remember the PayPal and Amazon links to the bottom right of your screen.

Do come again ;)

I will be home from the 23rd for about a week. I just realized - well at least I think - I have never actually said WHEN I will be home, I just kinda of show up (much to the bemusement of friends and family alike). Well, I'm trying something new.

I am going to be there for my brother's 50th birthda... ahem *Christmas Party* (oh those lovely tax write-offs). Chris, and Krys will be flying with me, that just sounds weird to say =)

I hope to eat some KFC, see my friends, and *hopefully* relax a long overdue relax with my darling girl by my side.

You can catch me on the cell, 767-5919. Know that my mobility may be limited i.e. Feel free to seek me out, pick me up to go out, bring me Zingers, etc. etc. I usually make it a point to try and see everybody, but I really not up for that stress dis rounds, mentally or physically. I really need a fucking vacation.

Ahem, and ahem.

I was talking smack about MySpace all day when I learned of this, purely to piss a certain Romanian off. I still say not ready for prime but I guess it is what it is, and it has a specific audience. Apparently unsigned artists can drum up a decent following on the MySpace Music section too. I know M-Cue is there, and J Dub.

To be so reckless with a heart, break the most sacred of trusts, and hurt in ways I had no right to, in ways that were downright malicious... will be a shame I carry with me, and it's only right that I do. But I can't let it seal my fate, especially a fate I hope to share.

And the voices ring out in unison, "Leave the past where it belongs, behind you."

Indeed, that odyssey is over.

I have never been one to easily compartmentalize the past; I'm more like a game of snake, the whole of "me" growing longer and longer as I move through the obstacles before me. Look back... and I can see the expanse of my life, but when my own little acts of torture, reliving the past, have casualties beyond myself, things have to change.

"Today I take care of all family business."

...or maybe just overdue issues. I fear I may retread things because of my "oh so fucked" memory, but better to retread than let slip away.

Why do I feel like I'm always just narrowly averting disaster? Playing catch-up, always in a state of flux? Can someone pin me down for a while, with a sleeping mask...

Liar. Cheater. Funny how full of shit I was, how amazingly uncaring and evil I was to someone I was supposed to love. For once, "bastard" truly fit.

That's something I'll be dealing with for some time, because I hurt a lot of people indirectly involved, and I'm trying my best to muster the balls and character to deal with that right.

I hate "bastard", but I hate coward even more.

The rest will be said elsewhere, but this is for here: I'm sorry for the people I dragged in. The people I expected support from, and brought into this mess as if I was letting them in on some *hush hush* game. Because without a doubt, that's how I treated it for a while, and I'm utterly disgusted with that fact. I had no right, and I suppose I'm thankful nobody outright slapped me across the face (...although I'm sure Tracey was hard-pressed). I could have used it. Nobody can amaze you more than yourself I suppose.

I'm growing, maybe even up, and trying my best to be somebody I can respect. Lofty goals right? Well...