Friends and the walking that they do.

Everyone knows the spiel, my friends mean the world to me yadda yadda yadda.

That fact has taken me down a dark path, especially with people I'm slightly (or worse extremely) intimidated by, because more often than not I stumble all over myself to keep some delicate balance, to keep the relationship on solid ground.

It's true I can be a bastard. I don't call, don't write, worse don't respond, for months at a time. I can be insensitive, brush you off if I have something I deem in my head is more pressing, or downright have no interest in your day at all because I'm too wrapped up in my own shit. I can do and be a lot of things. But since when did that make me any different from anybody else, make me care, really care, any less?

"If you don't show me you care then you must not care."

Bullshit.

We all have lives, and we're all in different places, different countries, more than any other time in our lives we're caught up with the day-to-day. Friends understand that, and cut yards and yards of slack. Friends that have unrealistic expectations or haven't gotten to a place where they realize that yet don't.

So I bumble, and fumble, and worry myself sick that I'm not doing what I need to do, what the fuck. How is that even remotely fair, I care, I love, and time will never diminish that, so why on god's green earth do I feel like I'm always playing catch-up? Narrowly averting disaster?

Yeah it might be all in my head, but wait, no, it isn't. Because I can tell of at least a few occurrences where it was all but plainly stated.

Man, if no communication was the thing that broke a friendship Anji would be long gone (and so would I on the flipside), but she ain't, and she's still one of my favorite bloody people to talk to, and one that has given me more insights than I'd care to admit.

I have a bone to pick with a few of my friends regarding this, and they may very well tell me where to stick it, but guess what, if they're my fucking friend telling me where to stick it will be the BEGINNING of the conversation, not the end. And If you don't get my meaning, out, you're outta my room.

I wish there were more hours in the day, I wish there were more Justins, but until they restructure time or invent a human duplicator this is how it's going to be, and I'm not apologizing for it anymore.

Justin | 6:29 AM