too much

felt too much, said too much, wrote too much, hurt too much, cried too much, lost too much. it's still not enough.

why? because I was weak, selfish, fucked up, and the bottom line is I just didn't get it; I didn't get the dynamics, I didn't understand the person and the things that made her tick - the things that made her hurt. I'm really good at throwing all this emotion out, in such huge waves you drown in it, but it's the constant steady supply I guess I have trouble with. I figure that goes for the understanding too. I don't know why though, because I know I'm smarter than this.

love is a many splendored thing. yes, yes it is, that's why you've got to pop 2 sleeping pills and pray to a God that's probably forgotten you just to forget how splendid it really is.

no more of this here though, no, not here... well, not past this post...

Justin | 10:00 PM