I haven't written two very important people back for going on (or over) 2 weeks now. It's some sort of Justin malfunction, I can write here, but I can't write a bloody email. Anji wrote me on the 13th, and as soon as I read it my gut reaction was to write her back immediately, but what happened... it's the 31st and no reply. Almost every day I sit down, hit the "reply" button and then end up doing something else, getting sidetracked, so there it stays untouched until my computer shuts down, only to be reopened the next day. The same thing happens, with far greater frequency, when it comes to Michelle, she's been waiting since the 22nd on a reply, and I can only assume getting more frustrated and disappointed with each day that response is delayed. She's been waiting just as long on a phone call.

I try, it works for a week, then I slip back into communication breakdown mode. Anyone who knows me, knows this, and has been anywhere from slightly annoyed to bloody well pissed off because of it, or worse yet, doesn't care anymore. I need some sort of assistance/treatment/drug, because I don't like the feeling, I don't like the inability to show someone I care on an everyday basis.

Some might say that then maybe I really don't care, I would oppose that statement with everything I have, but sometimes I wonder, what if they're right. The thought is more painful every time I seem to prove it right.

Late as usual, but I find this rather interesting... and a little scary, it's a good thing I don't give a good god damn about american politics or reporters (right now anyway), or I'd be getting myself into all kinds of trouble, btw do we have any lawyers in the house?

SourceForge accepted the project for PHPMailTo: V1.0, I feel all warm and tingly.

In my ongoing effort to fight spam, and after reading that the JavaScript hack (as used here), the modification of the mailto: address (as used on Mella's site), and the conversion to Unicode have ALL been worked around by serious spammers, I tried my hand at something a little better (in my opinion anyway - see below).

So stupidly confident am I in my 30 minutes of coding, I dare the world to send me an email =)

One thing I have learnt - I really need to learn a programming language PROPERLY, this guess-work and basic know-how can only get me so far.

The code processes the email address as stored in an array, linked to the username you send it, to work as quietly as possible I have it opening a new window, doing its business, then closing that window. There is no way I can see a spammer getting the email address unless they copy it from the final Mail window which opens, which (in my mind) is an unavoidable flaw that plagues all anti-spamming hacks. One thing's for sure, it can NOT be crawled and then re-assembled or filtered, because the posted link does not reflect an actual address nor re-assemble to one. If you want to be extra careful I'd use the mailto: modification along with this, and if you want to be SUPER extra careful get JavaScript to write out the link!

If you want the script let me know.

It's about seeing that person for who they really are.
Not who you think them to be, or wish for them to be...

Orbitz has given me many an affordable ticket, many a cool feature, and as of today, many a junk email. I purposely and carefully make use of the ability to asign unlimited aliases @ frostbyte, I set up services and sellers with a service/seller.foo@frosty email address as my sign-up email, until now, only freedrive sold/disseminated my address to spammers, low and behold, Orbitz now joins that list.

Orbitz, you suck. I hope you like Hotmail.

she cries the tears from my eyes,
she pulls the arrow from my heart and hers begins to bleed,
she steals my pain and leaves me numb,
with a gaping heart that does not bleed,
and a lasting pain that's lost its sting.

I'd like to explain those lines, please forgive the self-indulgence.

I was just looking at White Oleander, and something in the movie brought me back, it brought me back to the day I drew my line in the sand, told Natalie how I felt, what I wanted for us from here on, I sat ever so still, with the glass window to my heart open, unprotected.

As she stood there, calmly working things out in her head, I could barely breathe or hear anything above my own heart beating out of my chest. Then she spoke. She tried to let me down as delicately as possible, after which I couldn't feel, literally, it was as if it wasn't real, I felt I was on tv, this was a scene being played out for an invisible audience, the happy ending would happen any time now, any... time...

I think she could see the life sucked right out of my eyes, and she began to cry, I couldn't understand it, those were my tears, how could she steal them? How dare she take that away from me? I felt angry, but it paled against so much loss I thought I'd cave into myself.

I remember her shoes, I remember the walkway, I remember the grass on the small hill and the stairs running up it, I remember how beautiful everything looked, how cool the air was, how this would be a perfect memory. When I think of it now it all seems so foreign, as if it were really something I saw on tv, but a little part of me got so beaten and bloodied that day I thought it was dead, but that's the price you pay to love, those are the scars you pick up along the way. They become part of you, as any true scar should, you learn to work around them and soon enough you forget they're there, but every once in a while you'll glance down and see the faint remnant of a line, and you'll remember.

14 more days...

Okay peoples, if any of you like good music, go here and download these tracks. Tracks 5 & 6 are rough *in production* previews. They are all rap / r&b flavoured tracks, which isn't really my type of stuff but these rock.

These are from Arthur's cousin, Richard, A.K.A CHROMATICS, and he blew this shit up, respect out the wazoo.

So I'm just surfing the other day and say, "Hey, what's up with Mozzila?" So I scoot on over there and find this thing called Firebird, new browser? What? What's the difference between Mozilla and Firebird? Well there's no real blow by blow comparison or answer to that question, at least none given by Mozilla, but I hear *new*, *fast*, *cool features*, and *tabbed browsing* and say fuck those Safari bastards - I want a new browser for the PC.

So I download this thing and a few days later I hear all this buzz about Firebird, do I get a nickel for being ahead of the hype? Guess not. There's even a story in Maximum PC! Anyway Firebird is slower to start than IE, which is my ONLY complaint, and that is that.

Okay so you know I gotta go download iTunes for the PC, I mean, it was my sworn duty. But the fruit let me down with one small detail of the iTunes installation, even after I chose the "do not install shortcuts" options it still stuck not only iTunes but Quicktime in my quick launch bar, why Apple, why?

The insidiousness of it all, and liberty (not only Apple but apparently every software developer) taken with sticking their garbage wherever they feel without asking, is astonishing.

But anyway, iTunes is *pretty* =)

UPDATE: Apple, you piss me the FUCK off.

Apparently little Miss Quicktime made itself the default application for my PSDs, removing all thumbnail and informational tabs to boot, fuck you.

Happy birthday, my little fuzzy elfin friend ;)

Sleepy bastard.

Over 9 hours waiting at the DMV, there are no words loud enough.

Happy birthday, my sweet little asian angel ;)

I love you all.

Yeah, like everything I'm extremely late, late late late.

But I do believe it's time to say goodbye to the tables I've spent the last couple years using to glue together the stream of designs that've passed my screen.

Time for CSS to make a bigger impact, time to buy a straightforward CSS book, time to read it.

In other news, I have gotten up before 9am for the past two days, the world has gone mad.

Is it just me, or does the site seem to be moving faster on this server?

You know, I never put too much stock in the 24 hour shelf life of rating sites but I was rather surprised to find both Easy 9 and Mindsight in the top 5 at Top5Trinidad.com's "Personal Homepages" section.

The site doesn't seem to be updated very regularly, but it was still a little surreal to see that, late as I am in coming across it.

Moving things over slowly, heh, bye bye blogger.

Ah, the little things, the search, the mp3s, the random picture that stopped being random, what's a boy to do?

Anyway, this is my foray back into the digital soup, I was gone a while wasn't I?

So the new, strangely enough the newest things are what's been happening with my friends, not me. My usual response to what's new in my life is, "Same old, same old," because it's the bloody truth. I am quite boring by myself.

I spent close to 3 months away and slipped right back into my old routine as soon as I got back. It's become painfully clear I'm no "go-getter", I have my moments, but I need to build up to them for a couple months, the body just doesn't seem to be up to the task otherwise.

Relationship-wise, things are good, I hit many a rough spot in Trinidad, but that was neither unexpected nor terribly lasting. It's too hard to figure out too, not enough data exists to be examined, because when you don't see someone for a while the time together tends to be a race to cram as much emotion and "time together" as possible, the former sometimes leading to a skewed reality in which things happen that basically, hurt your bloody head. There is no more gradual progression (it seems) from one emotion to the next, it's like a madman behind the scenes flipping switches and dials to their extremes.

I was watching John Leguizamo's "Sexaholic" (which was nowhere near as good as "Freak" but hey), anyway he's talking about the woman that later became his wife and said, "...a woman that calls me on my bullshit, and is SWEET about it? What the FUCK?!"

Now call me crazy but for real, what the fuck?! Why is it we can't (1) call people on their bullshit, and (2) can't we take being called on ours? We immediately get defensive, we never take a step back and realize, "hmm, I was being an asshole." I think when a relationship has that level of understanding from both people involved, well damn, where do I sign up?

I'm notoriously bad for giving in, I never bow out, I fight my point even if I'm dead wrong and I know it, because a part of me always wants to win; to keep me up in the polls in the election constantly being waged in my head. I've been trying to change that, I find myself saying, "I'm sorry, you're right," more often than I ever have before, and it's a start.

Ah yes, plenty things swimming around my head, I'm going to try and be a little more blunt when it comes to talking about those things, I've skirted close to the edge but I always kept a little back, well fuck that, this is my place isn't it, and who better to say things that'll get me in trouble but me?

Thanks for sticking around guys.

Can I get an amen?