I've got a revamped look coming (it's all in my head for the moment), as well as some nifty additions to hopefully bring this blog into at least the 2007-08 era; I don't want to shoot for 2009 and hurt myself or anything...

Facebook is like methadone for my blog habit. If I spent that time actually writing I'd be much happier, but the quick vapid snips are just so easy. Yes, I apparently hate myself.

Twitter is the next thing, which definitely has its uses, but it's not something I foresee myself using with any frequency anytime soon. Hopefully when enough people jump on the bandwagon I'll use it for something useful like curing hiccups.

I miss the old Justin, where did that guy go?

Yeah, it's the sound of someone's innards retching and twisting. Trying to reform around the gaping cavities being ripped out around the heart. Trying in vain to protect it.

Ah love, splendid indeed.

Why the hell can't we use the fact that we have such an abundance of love, to offset our deficiencies in other areas?

It's going to break a little each time something of hers leaves this house.

It's going to break a little each time I hear how well she's doing, or of the important events in her life I missed (from someone else of course).

It's going to break a little more when I hear she's trying this all over again, with someone who's not me. Rinse, repeat, for all "someones" to come. Indeed, I think it'll die a little each time too.

It's going to break, and break, and break until I won't know what use a heart is anymore. I'll curse it. I'll curse the contradictory nature of my personality. I'll curse God. I'll curse the fragility of our psyches. Maybe I'll even curse her. But with all the breaking and dying and cursing, I'll still be as utterly empty as I am right now.

Yes, I wish I was dead. That's my right after all, to wish for an immediate (succinct?) end to all this pain. I'm pretty sure it guarantees a 100% success rate in the "no more pain" category, and after all, this the era of instant gratification. Instant death should be made as easy to throw together as instant coffee.

But alas, just a wish. The kernel of optimism at the center of my soul will ensure many many years of fruitless torment. A sick joke I'll be playing on myself.

Hurrah.

hurrah.

Holy crap that took long enough.

I finally upgraded to MT 4.21, I'm definitely going to have to put in a few more hours (with some help) to get this all sorted out correctly, but at least it's a step in the right direction.

I shake Cutty Ranks hand, WOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well all, but one, of my predictions for the iPhone 3G came to pass. It still boggles my mind why they would not improve upon the camera (i.e. the one that only works well in broad daylight and with stationary objects). I expected to at least see a flash, but Apple in their wisdom said, "Meh."

GPS was a given, and the subsequent geotagging of photos. I thought they would do something about the volume on the ringer & speakerphone, and they did. However they're not fooling anyone with the "new" price—fuck 2-year contracts, fuck them hard with a medieval morning star.

I guess I want to share with you, my dwindling readers, my own iPhone experience:

First off, it's the bomb phone, I have never in all my days used such a fricking handy device. PDA? Collecting dust. Archos? You treated me well, even if you weighed a metric ton. RAZR? It's my backup in case I ever need to send my iPhone in for repair.

Second, BUY A CASE. You need it, trust me on this, I'm not playing around here—this is serious, BUY A BLOODY CASE. The first time you get a "ding" on its shiny exterior you'll lose all grip of reality. You forget it's "just a phone" because it looks so damn sexy, so keep it that way, buy a fucking case. I'm on my 3rd (in my quest for the "perfect" case), it's the Slider from Incase, which looks the best of anything I've seen but is cheaply made; I got a crack within days (just from regular use, not even a drop!).

Third, get your apps. You need to install, in this order:

- BossTool (move those fonts!)
- SummerBoard (oooh, pretty skins)
- Afp (browse your files from your Mac)
- MobileScrobbler (Last.fm, duh!)
- BossPrefs (one-stop for all your prefs)
- DropCopy (to transfer files between other DropCopy devices,
  i.e. other iPhones)
- Converter (a must-have app)
- ToDoList (why was this missing from the default apps?)
- VoiceNotes (same as above, why!?)
- iBlacklist (for anyone in Trinidad, add +2222222222 to the
  blacklist and avoid the ANNOYING text message we
  get after receiving and checking voicemail)
- iWoman (what? wait, how'd that get in there...)

Criticisms of the device: Crippled bluetooth, this isn't new to phones, but still sad. Of course if any manufacturer had a better reason to do it it's Apple; they want to protect all that lovely iTunes content you spent your hard-earned cash on—not so much the MP3s you downloaded off Soulseek. Aluminum back (2G version) dents very easily, and then your sexy-factor is fucked. No landscape mode for SMS, Notes or Mail; why the heck do you have an accelerometer if you're not going to use it for the most typing-intensive apps? Retarded. Photos, I can't have multiple albums? Really? Fuck you. And finally, craptacular camera.

And now I shall hit "Publish" and hope I can format this properly sometime before 2009.

Lost.

I have (had?) this great direction I want my life to go in, but each day it seems harder and harder to keep moving in that direction.

It's like I'm hurtling towards earth on some botched re-entry, a ball of flames with no visibility, and debris from my own vessel threatening to rip me apart. Basically (I'm beginning to hate that word...) it's damn near impossible to stay on course.

Yeah, too many movies.

Every night I wish I could somehow transport my thoughts directly to this page, because I simply don't have enough time to juggle all the different areas of my life. In trying to keep myself sane, writing here got sacrificed, but then... maybe writing here was doing a better job at keeping me sane than all the rest.

Sometimes I think I'm just not built to handle too many simultaneous request, my max_user connections needs to be set to like 5 for any given 24-hour period (oo! geek reference).

I need to fucking upgrade my Movable Type already, I need to re-design this fucking page, re-learn Flash, re-learn practically everything because I'm so outdated it's disgusting.

I need to get some work done so I'm approaching "ahead of the game" tomorrow, because I've got so many projects they're coming outta my nose.

And with that... adiós.